If you're navigating the journey of ADHD with your child, you already know that it comes with unique challenges. However, with the right approach and tools, your child can not only manage but excel. ADHD is a facet of your child's vibrant personality, and with your guidance, they can harness it to their advantage.
Let's explore 3 effective strategies that can make a real difference:
1. The Power of Routine, Rules, and Consistency.
Establishing a consistent routine is like setting the stage for a successful performance. It
provides a structured framework that can help children with ADHD feel secure and understand what is expected of them. A predictable routine minimizes chaos and helps to focus their energy in the right direction.
Create a daily schedule. Here's the secret: keep it simple and easy to follow. A morning routine could be as easy as: wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, and eat breakfast. After school, you can establish a sequence of homework, free time, dinner, and a bedtime routine. This doesn't mean things can't change – life's an adventure, after all – but having a core routine provides a sense of stability.
Rules help to build routines. They provide a simple framework for a child to be consistently successful. When clear rules are in place, there is no guessing or trial-and-error behavior; instead, your child is given the power to consistently influence their environment, with predictable and positive outcomes. But not all rules are created equal!
An effective rule is:
1) clear
2) doable
3) related to time
4) is reinforceable
5) consistent.
"Keep your room clean" or "Behave when we are in the grocery store"are familiar commands for many of us parents, but they make horrible rules when considering the 5 components of a good rule. "After you finish your dinner, you put your dishes next to the kitchen sink, get changed into your pajamas, and brush your teeth"* is an example of an effective rule for a child in the 1st grade.
*Note: Especially for kids with ADHD, multistep rules may need to be broken down into individual steps until they are fully "chained" together into one solid routine.
By maintaining regularity in daily activities with clear rules, you give your child the tools to anticipate and prepare for what comes next, reducing anxiety and improving focus.
2. Building Self Agency: Empowering Your Child
Developing a sense of self-agency means helping your child recognize that they are in control of their own actions and decisions. This empowerment is crucial for children with ADHD, as it builds self-esteem and decision-making skills.
Involve your child in everyday decisions, from choosing their clothes to selecting a weekend activity. These choices reinforce their autonomy and the understanding that their opinions are valued. Acknowledge their good decisions and guide them through the consequences of the less optimal ones.
Make home the place where small wins are celebrated. After all, the standard educational environment can be demanding, and it is certainly not designed for the brain of a child with ADHD. You child's strengths may not be sitting still, listening quietly, keeping their desk organized, or completing work without silly mistakes...which can fill their school day with more opportunities for correction than praise. Â
Give your child a chore or two. Chores foster grit and self-agency. While older kids can be taught to take on bigger responsibilities, it is important that you choose age-appropriate task for younger kids to match developmental skills and avoid frustration (see chart below for examples from The Learning Habit). Did they remember to hang up their coat? That's awesome! Did they set the table for dinner? Wow, big kid! Don't worry that their is only a spoon and a random assortment of cups...the details can be shaped on try number 3 or 4. Little victories can lead to big confidence. Acknowledging your child's efforts to manage their responsibilities at home encourages positive behavior, fosters independence, and builds self esteem.
3. Executive Functioning Scaffolding: Building Brain Skills
Executive functioning skills are the command center of the brain, directing tasks such as planning, organization, and task completion. Children with ADHD may need extra support in developing these skills, and that's where scaffolding comes in.
Start with organization:
Visual aids are like secret guides that help your child remember what to do next. Use visual checklists or picture charts to keep track of chores or homework. Older kids can be taught to use a planner or electronic calendar to stay organized.
Create an organizational structure for your child's belongings. Establish dedicated physical space for their belongings (e.g., backpack, lunchbox, shoes, toys, etc.) alongside effective rules (e.g., when and where to put belongings). For example, "As soon as you come in the door from school, put your shoes in your shoe cubby, put your backpack on your hook, and wash your hands."
Teach planning skills:
Break big tasks into smaller steps. If a school project seems overwhelming, help them outline a plan with intermediate goals and deadlines. This approach makes large tasks less intimidating and promotes a sense of accomplishment with each step completed.
Teach your child about prioritization. When they have 2 homework tasks to complete, ask them to rate the difficulty level or length of time it will take to complete each task. Then, prompt them to think and decide whether to start with the easier/shorter or hardest/longer task first. By attempting different approaches over time, they will learn the best prioritization strategy for their brain!
Lastly, be patient and practice with your child:
Executive functioning skills need to be taught and reinforced throughout early childhood, while the child's brain develops enough of a frontal lobe to start taking on these skills (semi) independently.
ADHD brains tend to have particular difficulty with executive functioning skills. Your child is not lazy or purposefully resistant to learning self-management skills, their cortical brain development is just a bit slower than the average neurotypical brain.
Make sure your expectations are age-appropriate. In many children with ADHD, brain development lags behind by about 2-3 years, specifically in areas associated with executive functioning skills. Check out this video that shows the peak cortical development of a neurotypical brain vs. an ADHD brain:
While a 12 year old with ADHD may have extraordinary language skills and impressive intellect, their ability to organize their belongings and manage their time may be closer to that of an average 9 year old. Adjust your executive functioning expectations and level of support based on your child's observed needs, and be patient as their brain develops these abilities.
Regularly practice of planning and organizational activities strengthens these abilities over time, much like building muscle strength through exercise.
Wrapping It Up
As a parent, you play a pivotal role in your child's experience with ADHD. By establishing routines, nurturing their sense of self-agency, and supporting the development of executive functioning skills, you're setting the foundation for your child's long-term success. ADHD does not define your child; it's a part of who they are, and with your guidance, they can channel it into a source of strength and creativity.
Together, you can turn the challenges of ADHD into opportunities for growth and achievement. Here's to your child's bright future and your unwavering support along the way! Stay strong and supportive on this shared journey.
Share your Success with Other Parents!
Leave a comment and tell us about your family's
-helpful routines/rules
-how you foster your child's self-agency
-the organizational strategies that have been helpful for your child
While every family and child is different, we could all use some new ideas, creative tips, and motivational stories!
If your child struggles to regulate their attention, behavior, and/or emotions and you have questions about executive functioning and ADHD, contact our office for a free 15 minute phone consultation to determine if an assessment is the next appropriate step for your child. We will help get you pointed in the right direction, and support your child's ability to shine!
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